House Rules are critical to shaping or reshaping your children's behavior. House Rules set clear guidelines which inform children how they are suppose to act so there is little ambiguity regarding what is and isn't acceptable behavior. Below is a good example of a comprehensive set of House Rules. Each family should customize their own set of House Rules.
House Rules
1. I will not use profanity, cuss words or vulgarity. I will not make mean comments about others. I will not pick on or bully others. I will not make racist comments, slurs, use derogatory slang or make fun of others. I will not say rude, disrespectful, mean or hurtful things and then say “just kidding,” “no offense” or something similar. When I am corrected, I will immediately apologize to the person or persons that I offended. I will look the person I offended in the eye and make an effort to make a sincere apology. I will acknowledge how my comments or actions likely made the person(s) feel. I will watch my tone and body language at all times when speaking to others, especially adults. When I communicate with others, I will establish eye contact and pay close attention to what is being said. I will be sincere and truthful. I will accept constructive criticism and I will make an effort to learn from my mistakes.
Reason: Using profanity, making racial and rude comments and saying mean things about other people is unkind and disrespectful. Although your family and friends may cut you some slack, vulgarities, racial slurs, meanness and bullying will not be tolerated in school or by employers and may result in you being suspended from school or being fired from your job. Swearing is offensive to many people, and if you do it often enough, it may become a bad habit that is hard to break. Racist comments are never appropriate. Comments and behavior that pokes fun of others because of; the way they look, their nationality, their religion, their sexual orientation, the type of clothes they wear, where they live, where they go to school, how much money they have or make, etc., is mean-spirited, ignorant and disrespectful. When you make fun of others, people will view you as the type of person that believes that they are better than everyone else. Making fun of people is cruel and unkind. This type of behavior can hurt people’s feelings and damage their self-esteem. Children who are bullied often develop severe psychological issues which may lead to depression, suicide or violent behavior. Remember, 80% of what you communicate to other people is through your tone of your voice, body language, facial expressions and eye contact. If you do not look people in the eye when you are speaking to them, you can be perceived as dishonest, insincere and untrustworthy. Learning how to effectively communicate both verbally and non-verbally are important skills for you to learn. Mastering these skills will help you succeed in every aspect of your life. Children should expect their parents to offer them constructive criticism. Constructive criticism helps parents shape the behavior of their children.
Reason: Polite and courteous behavior is necessary to excel at home, school, and at work. No one likes to be around someone is unfriendly or looks like they are mad at the world. Only people that are insecure about themselves feel the need to put down others. You should never put down others to go along with the crowd or to feel better about yourself. A friendly, positive and courteous attitude is needed to succeed at everything in life. A smile is always better than a frown.
3. If I make a mess then I will clean it up and return it to the way I found it (unless a parent gives permission to clean up later). Messes in the kitchen, bathroom or other family living area will be cleaned up and toys/games/belongings will be put away when I am finished using them. I will make sure my room is straightened up and that my bed is made before I leave for school in the morning. I will remember to clean up my room at night and put my belongings away before I go to bed.
Reason: No one should be responsible for cleaning up after you. If you are messy and disorganized you may give others the impression that your life is chaotic and out of control. Your parents, siblings, co-workers, roommates and spouse will come to resent you if they have to constantly clean-up after you. Employers expect you to be neat and organized. You will be required to clean up after yourself at work, so you should get into the habit of cleaning up after yourself at home.
4. I will not scream, yell, stomp upstairs, slam doors, bang things, throw things or hit, shove, push, bite, pull hair, pinch, etc. others.
Reason: You are expected to exercise self-control. These types of behaviors make you look childish. Acting out in this manner will only add to your own frustration and may result in hurting and upsetting those around you. Yelling, hitting, slamming doors, stomping around the house, etc., won’t help you get your way and will, most likely, only get you into even more trouble. Throughout your life-time, you will be constantly judged by your conduct. People will also judge you by how you act and by how your friends act. In life, good behavior is often rewarded and bad behavior is punished. Employees can be suspended, reprimanded or fired for inappropriate behavior. Destructive and violent behavior may also lead to crimes which can have servere punishment which may include fines or time in jail.
5. I will ask before I borrow or take something that belongs to others. Borrowed items will be returned to the proper place and in good condition.
Reason: No one likes to just have their belongings taken. By not asking someone if you can borrow their belongings, you are being very inconsiderate, selfish and self-centered. Family, friends and co-workers will lose trust in you and eventually resent you if you consistently take their belongings without asking. No one will allow you to borrow any of their belongings again, in the future, if you don’t take good care of them or if you return the items back to the person that you borrowed them from, dirty or broken. Depending on whom you take things from without asking, you may be accused of stealing. Stealing is against the law and you may be reported to the police.
6. All family members will knock and wait for permission to enter a bedroom. Parents may enter after knocking without permission. Children’s bedroom doors will be unlocked at all times, unless someone is inside changing clothes. Children should be open and honest and should not keep secrets from their parents.
Reason: Parents are permitted to enter a room without permission because it is their house. Parents are responsible for keeping children safe. In order to ensure safety, parents need to know where their children are and what they are up to at all times. Children have no right to privacy as long as they are being cared for by their parents. Children should not keep secrets from their parents. There should be no behavior happening in a bedroom, besides changing clothes, that requires a bedroom door to be locked. Parents are allowed full access to any area of the house including their children’s rooms.
7. I will not get out of consequences for breaking house rules by pouting, acting like a victim, crying, being rude, angry or self-destructive.
Reason: You will not get out of trouble by pouting, begging, pleading, crying or acting out. This type of behavior is totally unacceptable and will probably cause you to get into even more trouble. Taking responsibility for your actions and suffering the consequences is an important part to building character. If there were no consequences for bad behavior, people could act any way they wanted and they could get away with doing mean and cruel things to each other without the fear of punishment. To keep a society orderly, rules are required. People are more orderly when there are rules. Rules help shape the behavior of people. When people know what is expected of them and what consequences they may face for bad behavior, they act more orderly. Rules, expected behaviors and consequences are necessary so we can all get along with each other in society.
8. If I am upset, depressed, angry or bothered I will take positive steps to deal with my feelings and problems. I will talk to my parents and/or share my feelings with other family members to improve communication and resolve problems.
Reason: Learning how to deal with your feelings in a calm and controlled manner is a necessary life skill. Learning how to talk through your problems and to communicate your feelings with family members will help deal with larger, more complex problems later in life. Taking positive steps to deal issues is always better than taking short-cuts, staying angry and cutting off communication with people who care about you. Your friends, family members, teachers, husband/wife, employer and co-workers will expect you to work through your problems and not take your problems out on other people. Employers will fire you if you can not leave your problems at home and come to work with a positive attitude. You and your spouse will probably fight if you don’t learn to share your feelings and communicate with one another. You may even get a divorce if you let your problems effect your relationship. Having poor communication, staying mad at the people who love you and ignoring you true feelings can also cause serious damage to your children.
9. I will complete my daily and/or weekly assigned chores as specified by my parents. I will not complain about doing my chores or other things that my parents ask me to do that are not on my chore list.
Reason: Every member of the family has certain chores to complete. Moms and Dads are responsible for making sure that the family has adequate food, shelter and clothing in addition to an endless list of other responsibilities. When everyone participates in the upkeep of the house, the household runs more smoothly. When chores and responsibilities are divided, one person does not always get stuck doing everything. When family members work together to complete household chores, there is more free time for everyone. The family will also have more quality time to spend together. Chores help you to learn how to manage your time and teach you how to prioritize your tasks. Chores help you prepare for adulthood because when you go to work you will be required to perform specific tasks for your employer. You do not get paid just showing up. You must do work to earn money, in the same way you complete chores to earn rewards.
10. I will complete my daily and weekly homework as specified by my teachers. Parent will monitor my progress to insure that I am receiving the education I need and is required by law.
Reason: Parents are teachers too. Their job is to teach life skills. These skills are equally, if not more important, than what your school teachers teach you. School teachers teach children things that help them to grow intellectually. Parents teach children important skills that help them to grow emotionally. Both skills are equally important. Parents have a legal responsibility to insure that their children attend school, are properly educated and complete their homework assignments on time and correctly. When you become and adult, you will need many skills to survive in a very competitive world.
11. I will attend family dinners and family activities unless excused by a parent. I will interact, be polite and respectful. I will not whine or complain about attending family events. I will ask to be excused before leaving the table or any family activity.
Reason: Social activities are an important part of life. Polite and courteous behavior is essential to developing relationships, cultivating friendships, establishing good business relationships and succeeding in life.
12. I will not demand, expect or assume that things will be done for me, given to me or bought for me. I will not pout, beg or cry when I do not get what I want. I will say please when I ask for something and thank you when things are done for me.
Reason: People who think that they should get rewarded for; doing absolutely nothing, doing very little, completing a job poorly or expecting others to do things for them that they are capable of doing themselves have a “sense of entitlement.” Children with a sense of entitlement are perceived as being spoiled, selfish, lazy and self-centered. In the workplace, adults who exhibit this type of behavior are referred to as “slackers.” Children with a sense of entitlement seem to be constantly whining about the things that they don’t have, when in reality, they actually have more than many other people. Children who do not often express gratitude by saying “Please” when they ask for things or “Thank you” when people do things for them, usually grow up to be selfish, self-centered adults. In life it is important for all of us to realize that there is a big difference between the things that we “want” and the things that we “need.” We don’t need designer Jeans from Hollister, we may “want” them, but we don’t “need” them. Jeans from Kmart will cover our butts just the same. There are many people in this world that do not have the basic necessities, like food, shelter and clothing. Many households only have one parent and some children are orphans and have no parents. We must learn to be grateful and appreciative for the things that we do have, as well as, for the people that we have in our life who love and care for us.
13. I will treat others with respect, kindness and compassion. I will think about how my behavior may affect others and how my behavior reflects on my parents. I will not argue with adults. I will not interrupt adults when they are speaking to each other or are on the telephone without saying, “excuse me.” I will respect the “adult time” my parents have together or with friends, whether it is watching a movie or talking on the patio. I will not interrupt “adult time” to ask my parents about unimportant matters or to ask their assistance in performing an activity that I am capable of doing myself.
Reason: When you become and adult, it will be important for you to spend time with other adults without constant interruption. Children must learn to have patience. Everything in life, including the attention of others won’t always come instantly. Children must learn that the world does not revolve around them and their needs. Self-reliance and exercising good judgment are essential skills for students, employees, friends, parents, spouses and businesses owners. Patience is a virtue. In life, you will have to wait for many things.
14. I will not interfere or interrupt my parents or another adult when my siblings or friends are being disciplined. I will not argue on their behalf or make excuses for their behavior. I will respect that parents, teachers and other adults have a right to correct and discipline children for bad behavior that they find offensive, loud, interrupting or inappropriate. I will not beg, plead or argue about the fairness of the discipline or punishment that is given out.
Reason: When guests are in our home, they must abide by our house rules. If your friends expect your parents to ignore their bad behavior, then they should come over to play. When children are in our home, they are under our care and are our responsibility. Arguing with your parents because they corrected your friend’s behavior will only get you in trouble and may get your friend(s) sent home. When you become an adult, you will be expected to exercise self-control and to abide by certain rules. As an employee, if you interfere when your boss is reprimanding another employee, you will probably get disciplined as well, and if this type of behavior continues, you will most likely get fired.
15. I will make wise and frugal decisions when it comes to spending the money that has been given to me by my parents, siblings or other adults. I will also make wise decisions regarding the money I earn on my own. I will save 1/3 of my money for emergencies or unplanned activities and for things I want to buy in the future. I will also volunteer some of my time or money to a worthwhile cause.
Reason: Money does not grow on trees. Parents have to work long hours to earn money. You must learn to be responsible with the money that is given to you and just as responsible with the money that you earn. When you are an adult, you will not get to keep all of the money that you earn. A percentage of your money will be taken by the federal government to help pay for the maintenance and building of schools & roads. It will also help pay for firemen & firewomen, policemen & policewomen & school teachers. Some of your money will also help pay to house, clothe, and feed those less fortunate that you. There is more happiness in giving than in receiving. Volunteering, donating money and time also builds character and can make a tremendous difference in the lives of others.
16. I will only eat meals and snacks at the kitchen table. I will not sneak food/candy or soda into the living room, bedroom or other areas of the house.
Reason: The kitchen is where food/drinks and snacks are normally consumed. If you just eat in the kitchen it helps keep the rest of the house clean for everyone to enjoy. Spills can damage furniture and carpets which parents may have to pay to have cleaned. You must ask for and receive parental permission before you take food and/or drinks into other areas of our home outside of the kitchen. When you become an adult, you will have to pay to furnish and carpet your home. Because you are responsible for paying for and replacing any items that are damaged or soiled, you can make your own rules on where you and family members eat and drink.
17. I will treat the furniture and other items around the house in a careful manner. I will not jump on or over furniture. I will not engage in horse play or play games in the house which can damage or break things.
Reason: Moms and Dads have to work long hours to afford to buy nice things for the family to enjoy. If items break or furniture becomes damaged because of careless behavior, Moms and Dads have to work extra hours to pay to have these items repaired or replaced. This means that there will be less money for the family to spend on other things. For example going; out to eat, to the movies or on vacation. As an adult, you will be responsible for replacing or repairing any items that you damage whether the damage was intentional or not. Horseplay should be reserved for outside only. No games which involve jumping or running should ever be played in anyone’s home. People who run in the house and/or who run/jump on or over furniture are viewed as people that don’t care about other people’s belongings. This is a sign of gross disrespect. Children who engage in this behavior are less likely to get invited to parties, sleepovers and other events. Children who act this way are often viewed as careless, reckless, selfish and self-centered.
I have had an opportunity to discuss these rules and the behaviors that are expected of me with my parents. I realize that I have a choice to either follow or break these house rules. I understand that by breaking a house rule, I am making a conscious choice to engage in behavior that is inappropriate. I am aware that breaking a house rule will likely result in me being disciplined for the violation.
Signature of Children
Name:_____________________________________ Date:__________
Name:_____________________________________ Date:__________
Name:_____________________________________ Date:__________
Signature of Parents
Name:_____________________________________ Date:__________
Name:_____________________________________ Date:__________
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